1) "Ladies and gentlemen, please stow your pocket knives and pool cues until the aircraft has reached cruising altitude and the captain has turned off the fasten seatbelt sign . . . ." .
Some new rules about what you can take on a plane: For the first time since 9/11, you’ll be able to carry small knives, golf clubs, hockey sticks and pool cues into the cabins of commercial jets. The TSA says these changes will bring the US in line with international carriers’ list of prohibited items, it’ll cut down the wait at security screening, ("sure, bring anything you want through here!! Just keep it moving!") and let agents focus on big threats that could actually take down a plane. Understandabley, the flight attendants union isn't too happy about this.
Realistically, nobody’s going to hijack a plane with a Swiss army knife. But fighting for overhead space is bad enough as it is, let alone when pepole are trying to find space to wedge their hockey sticks in up there. And how long will it be before some drunk, angy passenger on a crowded, delayed, flight reaches up to pull his nine iron out of the over head bin? That’s a recipe for disaster.
2) Why won't the feds just leave us alone and let us have our legal weed?
Legalized marijuana here in Washington State (and in Colorado) isn't sitting well with some old-school drug enforcers. A group of 8 former DEA chiefs wants to nullify the laws here and in Colorado that legalized pot last year. They’re afraid there’ll be a domino effect and other states will legalize it too. Ooh, scary. And the problem with that is . . . .what? A shortage of Cool Ranch Doritos when thousands of Washingtonians get the munchies? I think former DEA chiefs have a vested interest in keeping pot illegal so there’s something to keep their DEA cronies busy. Hey, fellas, how about if you quit protecting your turf and just let us have our weed. We voted for it. If you don’t like legalized marijuana, don’t smoke it.
3) "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."
Good news: Ron Burgundy returns! They’re about to start shooting Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues with Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, Christina Applegate, and new to the cast . . . Kristen Wiig from SNL. And --breaking news -- Harrison Ford just joined the cast of the sequel.
He’s going to play a crusty old legendary newscaster in the vein of Tom Brokaw. It’s good clean idiotic fun, and it should be out around Christmas.
Here's a teaser:
Catch THE FEED twice an hour between 6 and 9am weekday mornings on The Mountain.